What Anyone Can Do

Get involved and get others involved.
Whether it's a civic group, community initiative, volunteer program, religious organization, or other effort, getting involved in your community increases the likelihood that you'll form intergenerational relationships. Adults in particular should remember the value of inviting children and youth to get involved as partners both in planning and in action.

Forge a mutual understanding of shared values in shared places.
In schools, neighborhoods, congregations, and throughout your community you can encourage adults and young people to name the values (such as equality, honesty, and responsibility) that are important to everyone and thus increase people's comfort with talking about and reinforcing those values. These settings can also become places where you and others can talk about and reinforce shared values and a shared commitment to the well-being of all children and youth.

What Adults Can Do

Talk about how to engage with other people's kids.
Find out what's expected, what's okay, what feels uncomfortable. It's especially important to ask parents how they would like you to be involved with their kids. Many adults don't get involved because they worry about negative reactions from parents or others. Initiating these conversations clarifies what's acceptable and makes more engagement with kids possible.

Clarify parents' comfort with your involvement and then tell them when their children do good things and when they misbehave.
When you tell parents about admiration or concerns regarding their children's behavior you show support for the parents, concern for the safety and well-being of the children, and a commitment to shared boundaries and expectations. Catching children and youth "doing good" and letting them know you notice helps build long-term, positive connections.

Make special efforts to get to know boys and high school-age youth.
While all children and youth benefit from you reaching out to them, these groups are especially lacking when it comes to this type of engagement. Create opportunities for them to connect with adults and to be noticed and acknowledged in positive ways.

What Youth Can Do

Spend time with younger children.
Even if you aren't old enough to baby-sit, you can spend time with kids in your neighborhood, your congregation, or your school. You can be an important role model for younger children and for adults (because when they see you getting involved they might be inspired to do the same).

Get to know your parents' friends.
When you're around your parents and other adults, rather than finding something else to do, try joining the conversation or activity.

Volunteer. There are many organizations that would love to have your energy and your commitment. And along the way you might run into some pretty great adults who would like to get to know you.

Model positive behavior with your peers.
And make it a point to thank peers who stick their necks out to model positive choices.

What Parents Can Do

Tell other adults how they ca engage with your children.
This can be as simple as letting them know that it's okay to tell you if they see your child acting inappropriately. Or, you can be bold and ask a friend or neighbor to befriend your child or teach her or him a certain skill.

Include your children when you spend time with your friends.
Kids can be great company. Even your friends who don't have children can get comfortable with, and eventually enjoy, talking and spending time with your children. Plan activities that will appeal to and be fun for everyone.

Get involved with other people's kids.
As a parent, you have a great opportunity to meet and get to know kids from other families. You can make your home a welcoming and comfortable place just by being friendly with, kind to, and interested in the children and youth who come there. Or you can connect with kids in the community by, for example, volunteering to coach a local team, sharing a skill, listening to a youth read, or mentoring at a local school or neighborhood center.

What Community Leaders Can Do

Support initiatives, programs, and policies that encourage interaction between young people and adults.
You, perhaps more than anyone, have the power to begin to change social norms and expectations regarding adult engagement with children and youth. Initiatives, programs, and policies that bring generations together are steps in this direction. They are often in need of funding and vocal support from community leaders.

Create public forums and invite young people and adults to work together to identify ways to build a more connected community.
These events can include mayors' youth forums, congregational or school district sessions, or specially planned youth-adult summits. After or during the dialogues, build relevant and feasible action plans.

Celebrate and acknowledge children, youth, and adults who model positive behaviors and relationships.
This can be done in many ways, including special awards, ceremonies, or news stories.

Share these findings with other leaders and with the media.
Encourage them to find ways to "tell the story" of how important it is for adults to connect with children and youth. Let them know that this kind of information has motivated many communities (including congregations, neighborhood groups, and schools) to look closely at and then improve the ways in which they help adults and kids connect. Point out that they, too, can be part of creating an expectation and acceptance of adults' involvement with children and youth.

Reprinted with permission from Peter C. Scales, PH.D., Peter L. Benson, Ph.D., and Marc Mannes, Ph.D., with Nancy Tellett-Royce and Jennifer Griffin-Wiesner, Grading Grown-Ups 2002: How do American Kids and Adults Relate?, Key Findings from a National Study (Minneapolis, MN: Search Institute). Search Institute, 2002. www.search-institute.org.